* * *
He walked into my office with a confused expression. He looked kind-of like he wasn't sure about what he was doing. He spoke in a deep voice.
"Is this that private eye guy's office?"
If I had a dime for every time I heard that.
"Yes. As a matter of fact, I am that private eye guy. Look at my nameplate."
He looked at my nameplate as if he couldn't read.
"That's a really nice nameplate," he said sarcastically.
"Thank you. I had it made in New York. Now, can I help you with anything?"
"No, I just came in here to stand around and look at some things," his voice dripped sarcasm. "Actually, my name is Bill and I have a problem. And because I want your help, I'm gonna hire you."
"Is that so?" I ask.
"Yes. You've got to help me!" he said like he was hopeless.
"Again, how can I help you?"
People like this annoy me. I am a professional private eye and I don't need people like this to waste my time when a different, more serious, client could use my help.
"My new universal remote went missing. Well, actually it was stolen."
"How do you know that it was stolen and you didn't just misplace it?" I asked. Usually that's what happens.
"I've turned my house upside-down looking for it! I can't find it anywhere!"
"Okay. Okay. Calm down Bill. Tell me what happened."
"Well, it all started when my next door neighbor was washing his new car and I walked outside to get the mail . . . "
"Good morning Bill," my neighbor said.
"Morning Fred," I said glumly.
"I just got a new car." He was all excited.
"That's great Fred," I really couldn't care less.
"I know right," he replied.
"I just got a new universal remote," I knew I couldn't top him but who cares.
"That's nice," he said.
I wished I didn't have to listen to Bill's long story but that's part of being the detective. We have to listen to make sure we catch all of the clues.
Bill continued with his story.
"After I got my mail I went back inside. I decided to watch some TV. I went over to the couch and grabbed my new universal remote. I used it to close the shades and turn the TV on. After a while I must've fallen asleep because when I woke up it was already evening. The TV was still on so I shut it off. I went into the kitchen to get some dinner. I had some pizza the other day so I decided to finish the leftovers. While I was eating, the phone rang.'
"Hello," I said with a welcoming voice.
"Hey Bill, it's Fred."
"Here we go," I start to think. Fred wants to tell me about something else new that he got today.
"What'd you get?" I ask knowing it will be something amazing.
"Well, it's not what I got but more of what I want to get."
"Oh," I said surprised. Well, that's a first. "What did you want to get that you had to call me?"
"I wanted to ask you where you got your new universal remote. Mine's old and I need a new one."
"It was the last one. No other company makes one like this. Oh, and by the way, it's really awesome," I said thinking that I might actually have something that Fred doesn't.'
"Oh. That stinks. I was looking forward to buying one of those. I guess I'll just save my money." He sounds like he's going to give up. I would think he would try to look for that remote anywhere he could just so I didn't have something cool that he didn't.'
Bill's story was long. Really long. Longer than most stories I listen to. I couldn't believe it all started because he was getting the mail.
Bill's story went on.
'I decided I was going to have a party just for fun. I invited all of my friends including the Smith twins, Nick and Rick. They're pretty cool.'
Let me tell you a few things about the Smith twins. One, they look exactly alike. Nobody can tell them apart unless they wear name tags. Two, they are athletic. Three, they're really good at pulling pranks. But the nice thing about them is that they're nice about it. If you need help cleaning it up or something they will help. I like the Smith twins. Bill was right. They are pretty cool.
Bill kept going.
'I even invited Fred. They came over the next day after I had everything ready. I had a football game on and I had all of the board games out. Ironically, Clue is my favorite. I put out a bunch of snacks like chips and pretzels. There was soda and juice too. Everything for the perfect party. Everyone came and the party lasted about 2 minutes because I had forgotten something. The cake! You can't have a party without cake.'
"Hold on everybody," I said, "I will quickly go get a cake at the store. You can wait outside and shoot some hoops on my new basketball hoop if you want."
'Then, I think everyone went outside. When I got back we went back inside with the cake. I noticed Fred was missing. He must be in the bathroom I thought.'
"Why don't we shut the TV off while we have our cake," I said.
"I'll get it!" the twins cried in unison.
"No I'll get it!" yelled Rick
"No I'll get it!" yelled Nick
"One of you can shut it off and the other can put it away!" I yelled over them.
"Okay!" they said.
'I started to cut the cake as Fred walked back into the room. Then the twins came racing back. I hadn't seen where they put the remote.
Part 2
'I wasn't going to worry about it then. I finished cutting the cake. I gave a piece to everyone. After we were done the party went on like before except with cake.'
"Who wants to play a big game of Uno?" I asked looking for a challenge.
Everybody wanted to play so I dealt the cards.
"You all expected to lose when you sat down right?" Rick asked.
'We played for about an hour. When we were done, everybody except the twins and Fred left. They stayed and help clean up.'
"Thanks guys!" I said. I didn't want to have to clean that up by myself.
"No problem." They said.
'After we were done cleaning up we played two games of checkers. I played Rick and lost. Then while I was playing Nick, Fred said he was tired so he left.'
"I think I left my bag by the TV," Fred said.
"See ya Fred," I called to him.
'After I finished losing to Nick, the twins left. I went by the TV to see if anyone else's stuff was there. And that's when I realized I didn't have my remote. I looked everywhere. Even outside by the basketball hoop.'
Finally his story was over. I can't believe it took so long to get to that.
"So, let's talk about the money," I said. I think this case might be one of the easy ones. "I will make you one deal. If I don't figure out who this remote robber is I will give you a quarter of your money back." I was so sure I had this one. "But, if I figure out that you know where it is and you're just wasting my time you owe me a quarter of what I charge you. Sound fair?" This was going to be so easy.
"Well, I guess so-," He said.
"Great!" I cut him off.
"I charge three dollars an hour." I said. "I will be fair and log how much time I spend actually working on your case. I won't delay while I work on it. I like to keep things fair."
"Sounds good to me," he said. I'm not sure he really cared one way or another. He just wanted his remote. Or to waste my time.
* * *
Main Street is the busiest street in town. After all, it is Main Street. There are a bunch of little businesses up and down the street. My favorite place to get ice cream is Jim's Frozen Desserts. I usually stop in after a long day's work. I decided to start the day out with ice cream.
"Hey Denver," Jim called to me as I walked through the door. "What can I get you?"
"Oh, the usual," I reply.
"One chocolate banana shake coming up," he yells.
"So, how's it going?" I asked him.
"Pretty good. Tonight is going to be busy," he said.
"Why is that?" I ask confused.
"The Smith twins are celebrating their birthday here," he said handing me my shake.
"That should be fun," I said. "Tell me Jim, were you at Bill's house recently?" I asked him.
"Yeah. I was over there the other night. We played basketball, had some cake, and played Uno," he answered.
"Did you, at all, go watch the football game on TV?" I don't think Jim is much of a football person.
"No. I didn't watch the football game. I didn't even go near the TV the whole night. I like basketball better," he replied.
"Thanks for your time," I said. "Wait, when did you say the twins were coming in?" I wanted to make sure I question them today.
"About four." he said.
Good I have enough time to talk to Fred.
"Thanks," I called to him as I walked out the door.
"Sure, have a nice day," he called back.
Part 3
I walked along the sidewalk with my delicious chocolate banana shake. It was a hot summer day in Florida and everyone was either inside with the AC on or outside swimming. Well, everyone except me.
* * *
I knocked on Fred's door. Good thing he was home. I wanted to get this case done.
"Hello, you must be Denver" he said when he opened the door.
"Hi," I said surprised that he knew my name. "Can I ask you a few questions?"
"Sure, why not," he said, "Come on in."
We walked into his big house. I followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the table.
"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked nicely.
"No thanks," I replied. "Have you been to any parties recently?" I asked him.
"Well, I went to a party at Bill's house," he said.
"So, what did you do at Bill's party?" I asked him.
"I watched some of the football game. Did you know he got a new universal remote?" he answered.
"As a matter of fact, I did. Speaking of his remote, did you by any chance use it?" I asked.
"No, the only othe time I was near the TV was to get my bag when I left. Why?" he wondered.
"No reason. Did you have any cake?" I asked.
"Yeah, I was in the bathroom when Bill came back with the cake. When I walked into the room to get some the twins came running past me. I don't know why." he replied.
"I see," I said
"Now, let me ask you something," Fred said.
"If it's all the same with you, I'll be asking the questions here," I replied.
"Alrighty then. Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?" Fred asked.
"No. I think that's it," I answered. "Thanks for your time."
"Sure," he replied.
Two down, two to go. The Smith twins.
Part 4
I stopped at the candy store on the way to the twin's house. I was going to get them each a king size chocolate bar.
I saw the balloons from the end of the street. Their house looked like the house from the movie Up. I think the twins might be having their biggest party yet.
I rang the doorbell and their mom came to the door.
"Oh, hey Denver. The boys are with their dad in the basement. You can go down there if you like. Who knows what they're doing down there." she said.
"Thank you." I replied.
I walked down stairs to the basement. I heard someone playing basketball. The Smiths have a basketball hoop in their basement.
"Hey Denver," their dad called.
"Hey," I replied. "I have something for each of the boys."
They walked over to see what I brought. I gave them each a chocolate bar.
"It's our birthday," Nick said.
"No. I specifically remember your birthday was last year." I replied.
"And this year," Rick said.
"So, how old are you guys now?" I asked them. I couldn't keep track. I mean, they have a birthday every year.
"Eighteen!" they said together.
"Alright. Can I ask you guys a few questions?" I asked.
"I don't see why not," Nick said.
"Besides your own party, have you been to any parties recently?" I asked.
"Well, we did go to Bill's party," Rick answered.
"Yeah. It was fun," Nick added.
"Did you at all go near the TV?"
"We helped Bill put his remote away," said Nick.
"Is that all?" I wondered.
"Yes," answered Rick.
"Where did you put the remote?" I asked.
"On the shelf above the TV," Nick said.
"I shut the TV off and Nick put the remote away," Rick added.
"Well, Bill says he can't find the remote," I told them. "He thinks someone stole it."
The boys looked at each other.
"Who would do such a thing?" Nick wondered.
Part 5
(During this part, you might want to back and reread some parts if necessary)
"Okay Bill. I am 99% sure of who I think took your remote," I told him.
We were over at Bill's house. In about an hour, we would walk over to Jim's shop for the party.
"Well, tell me who it is?" Bill demanded.
"If I tell you who I think it is, we will ask them first. If they deny it, I will go back through the facts with them. If they still deny it, and give proof that they don't have the remote, I will assume you have it. That shouldn't happen though," I informed him.
"So, who do you think it is?" he asked.
"The Smith Twins." I answered.
"Really! I thought it was going to be Fred. How did you figure it out?" he exclaimed.
"Well, nobody's explanation contradicted your description of the party. That was a big help. I don't think Fred would've taken the remote. First, when you got back with the cake you noticed Fred was missing. You thought he was in the bathroom. When I was talking with him, he said he was. Then, later you said he went by the TV to get his bag before he left. He told me that was his only time by the TV besides watching the game. He also said he didn't use you're remote at all. I don't think Jim took it because he told me he didn't go near the TV the whole night. That leaves the Smith twins. You said that they were the ones to put it away. They told me the same thing. Rick shut the TV off and Nick put the remote away. You said that you didn't see where they put it. They told me they put it on the shelf above the TV. Did you look there?" I asked.
"Yeah. I looked all over there." He said.
"So, they had the perfect chance to take it because you didn't see where they put it. Then, the rest of the night, they acted nice and helped you clean up. You probably didn't even suspect them," I explained.
Part 6: The End
"Wow," Bill exclaimed, "That's something I never would have seen coming."
That's a shocker. Sorry that was mean.
"I mean, they're so well behaved," he stated.
"Now," I said eager to move on, "Let's talk about the money."
"Okay How much do I owe you?"
"Well, I worked nine and a half hours on your case. Nine and a half hours at three dollars an hour is," I paused to act like I was doing the math. The truth is that I already knew how much he owed me. "Twenty-nine dollars and fifty-seven cents."
Sometimes I add on what I call the "Easy Fee." The Easy Fee is an extra dollar or two if the case was really easy. I gotta make money somehow. In this case, the Easy Fee was $2.07. It varies with each case.
"Sound's good to me," Bill responded.
Usually people point out that I did the math wrong. That's Bill for you.
"Now, let's go to the party and talk to them," I suggested.
"Can't wait to get back my remote," Bill exclaimed.
* * *
We could hear the party from the end of the block. They must've hired a band or DJ or something, I thought. I was feeling really confident that the Twins took the remote. I just didn't know how I wanted to bring it up. I didn't want to ruin their birthday party...
We walked into Jim's shop and immediately saw the cake. It like five feet high! I learned later that it was only four feet and 6 inches. Then we saw the presents. The gifts were piled up on multiple tables pushed together. That mountain of gifts was at least twice the height of the cake. I wonder where they all came from. We found the twins and pulled them aside.
"Hey Denver," Rick said.
"Enjoying the party?" Nick asked.
"Yeah it's great." I decided how I was going to bring it up; straight to the point, "Where's Bill's remote?"
The twins look at each other and smiled. "Tell him Bill," Rick said.
"Now, Denver, before you say anything, I will still pay the bill."
Bill pulled the remote out of his pocket.
"I had it all along," Bill explained.
"We set it up," Nick said.
"Okay, so why'd you do it?" I was a little confused.
"We wanted to have a little fun," Rick replied.
"So the whole story was fake?" I asked.
"Yup," Bill answered.
Jim came walking over.
"Did you guys already tell him?" he asked.
"You too!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, why not."
I couldn't believe it. It was a wild goose chase the whole time. At least I still get the money.
"Hey guys. Let's just enjoy the party," Bill suggested.
"Good idea," I agreed.
So for the rest of the night, we partied and the twins' birthday party. Even Fred was there. He admitted it was all a set-up to. I thought I was better than that. After all, I am Denver Bly, Private Eye.
"Hey Denver," Rick said.
"Enjoying the party?" Nick asked.
"Yeah it's great." I decided how I was going to bring it up; straight to the point, "Where's Bill's remote?"
The twins look at each other and smiled. "Tell him Bill," Rick said.
"Now, Denver, before you say anything, I will still pay the bill."
Bill pulled the remote out of his pocket.
"I had it all along," Bill explained.
"We set it up," Nick said.
"Okay, so why'd you do it?" I was a little confused.
"We wanted to have a little fun," Rick replied.
"So the whole story was fake?" I asked.
"Yup," Bill answered.
Jim came walking over.
"Did you guys already tell him?" he asked.
"You too!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, why not."
I couldn't believe it. It was a wild goose chase the whole time. At least I still get the money.
"Hey guys. Let's just enjoy the party," Bill suggested.
"Good idea," I agreed.
So for the rest of the night, we partied and the twins' birthday party. Even Fred was there. He admitted it was all a set-up to. I thought I was better than that. After all, I am Denver Bly, Private Eye.
Holy cow that was good
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